I'm Happy just because, I found I am really noone

Why hello there, I guess as long as I can handle it I will blog everyday for the rest of this week. Ahh well. Once again I have found that life really knows how to take a chunk out of your ass. I don't really know how else to put it. My last blog was about feelings, and this relates to that in a completely arbitrary way.

Crushes anyone? Why do we get them, I just don't understand them. I mean the have the capability to just make you feel absolutely horrible about yourself. And I don't appreciate that. Maybe I am just like Joel from Eternal Sunshine "Why do I fall in love with every woman I see who shows me the least bit of attention?" I don't know Joel I just don't know. I wish there was a way to explain it. But it's like you see this person and at that time you think they embody everything you want (or rather think you want) and you are hopelessly in love with them. But you don't act on it because you are scared of what might be the reality. Dammit it fear, why must you ruin other peoples lives?!! I don't like feeling like some nerdy little 13 year old girl in love with her math teacher. (Although...) back to the idea. My thoughts are so jumbled right now, I am so confused and so disgusted at myself don't even know. Is this how Ben Gibbard felt when he wrote Title and Registration? Because I am listening to it right now, and its underlying "what about me/left here in the dust" feeling is fitting the mood of my subconscious. Let me pick out the lyrics that do a better job of explaining myself than I do. Mind you they will be in sentence form so yeah.

The glove compartment isn't accurately named and everybody knows it.So i'm proposing a swift orderly change,cause behind its door there's nothing to keep my fingers warm.And all i find are souvenirs from better times. Before the gleam of your taillights fading east to find yourself a better life.*sigh*

When i stumbled upon pictures i tried to forget,and that's how this idea was drilled into my head.Cause it's too important to stay the way it's been.There's no blame for how our love did slowly fade.And now that it's gone it's like it wasn't there at all.And here i rest where disappointment and regret collide,lying awake at night.


And here i rest where disappointment and regret collide.Lying awake at night (up all night)When i'm lying awake at night.[sadness:(].

Wow Ben had some hard times. Okay I realize that this song is more or less about a relationship that failed, but isn't that about the same as unrequited love? I think the latter has the potential to be worse.*big breath* I am really trying hard not to let this crush(may even be crushes, [man I fall hard]) get the best of me, but somehow my brain never lets me. I need to draw or paint, something to get this spiral of confusion out of my head, maybe I should start working on that pile of clothes in the middle of my floor, or maybe AP homework (probably not going to happen)

on a footnote, I need to get rid of my addiction to facebook, I don't really understand why I stay on it so much, I have deleted it like seven times, but I keep coming back when I am bored, and all it's doing is adding fuel to the confusion fire. Really I am getting sick of it. I need to develop an awesome schedule so I am left with just enough time to get out of the house so I won't end up staying on the computer till 3 am. Bad habit nobody should develop. Alright my time is up. Be safe and remember love like you were dying.(but in my cause maybe I need to use discretion)