Let down and hanging around/Karma Polce

You know sometimes I feel like that, let down and hanging around. As a mistake making human living with other mistake making humans, it hard to realize the capacity we have to intentionally hurt someone, or leave them high and dry.Well at this point I am really tired. I have been procrastinating, but mainly due to the utter lack of care for school and apexing fatigue."This is what you get" I am so mentally out of it I flunked a test today (well it was a practice test but still) and I didn't care. But I mean why worry about it, what is done is done and I can't go back in time and fix it and I don't even want to. "I've given all I can but it's not enough" You know I really need to stop listen to Cd's when I type blogs because it's really weird to see how my topic slowly shifts to fit the song. Or maybe that's just a weird coincidence whatever the case, I really need to finish my homework. "Phew for a minute there I lost myself" But now I am back and off to work.

Where have all the good people gone

I mean really where have they gone, because I am seriously looking. Some of them are going to college and off to become very important in the future, even if they don't know it. Sometimes you get feelings about these things. I really wish someone would read this blog so I wouldn't feel like I was talking out of my ass. Anyways. I have realized that with maturity your writing style and point of view tends to change. Duh you say, well yes I already knew this, but a part of me wanted to hold onto the idea of everlasting ideals. Insane huh.Oh well. I hope I don't eventually evolve into an ass. So back to the good people. I have read many a blog of people I know or have known. Now of course I expected their writing to be different from how they talk, but have you ever gotten the feeling that people thought you were stupid so they tended to dumb down conversation. I may be slightly behind at times but that does not mean you have to feel the need to dumb yourself down in order to talk to me. I am capable of forming intelligent thought, even if I can't speak it or type it well from time to time. Why can't people present all of them selves to each other and then allow each other to develop his or her own opinion's. I hate the fact that someone may have an Internet side and a social side. I mean really. How much do you have to hide if you are typing it on the Internet? Anyways, I am seriously rethinking how I approach older people(mainly recent high school seniors and college freshman) Mainly because some where in between prepubescence and nearing full maturity, they have seem to have lost the side of them that contains at least an ounce of humility and a lack of self awareness. I mean really when did you decided to leave the part of you that could play in the mud and not care behind?I hate that. It happens but what can you do? I guess all I can wish for is that it doesn't happen to me. And for those you like the blogs in which people divide stuff into paragraphs, sorry buddy you are not gonna get that here.Also for those of you whom may confuse my naiveity and somewhat carfreeness as stupidity, I am going to have to remind you of the ways of the Dao. And besides who is more stressed, me or you? I'd take you for a thousand Alec.In other news I got my first Queen cd, and I wonder where have I been and what have I been waiting on, this album is pretty epic. You can barely even tell when it was actually made. Very timeless. Besides the hairstyles. Anyways that's all I have to ramble about to night, I really should be finishing an AP paper, but one step at a time huh? Take Care and don't forget. I am Super Special Awesome.

I know I said that I wouldn't write in this any more, but I lied

Okay Well the new school year is approaching and I really am kinda clueless, I mean for the first time I am not riddled with anxiety but I still don't know what the hell I plan on doing. I mean shit, I still need to get school supplies. But I guess the main reason I don't really care about school starting is because for the first time in all the history of school starting I feel truly good about myself, I have this new found confidence that I had been missing or faking for the past few years, and now that I actually have it I am truly happy. So With that I guess the only thing left to say is YAY!