All I need

I am trying so hard. but things aren't really working out. I mean Life is good and all and I am probably the happiest that I have ever been in my life (well as far as I can remember) But still I find that something is missing. I hate that though. Why can't I be happy with what I have. It might not be everything but it's all I need. I feel like I am aimlessly wondering. Maybe I am so distraught because of that play thing ( jeez I annoy myself with my "actor problems") But it's like thinking about this character and how I should portray her has added water to the soft set concrete. I feel it churning, It's kinda slow moving but it's doing more than it did before. And even though part of me is confused by it. Another part doesn't want it to go away. I think it's because I tried so hard to push my ability to feel away, and now that I have finally decided to bring it close to me it won't let me go.(I don't want to either) It's not the depressing type of feeling either. It's like I should have cried about or felt this this years ago. And just crying once or twice isn't going to help me cope. I should have cried over this every night, when I felt it. but I didn't I balled it up and threw it in a box and locked it in my closet. I talked about it once and moved on and thought that I didn't need to talk about it anymore, that it was better than it was before. True, it was better than it was before, but I wasn't healed. I just put a band aid on it. And sometime this week I bumped into something really hard and it made it bleed again, but this time I think I am going to let is air dry so that everyone can see. I know I am still gonna have struggles with it but I know I can handle it.

Even if you are so preoccupied with the things in your life you now find important, still find time for the good things you used to do when you were little, No matter how silly they seem. Find time for it, because it helps you realize the person that you always wanted to be.Play like there is no time left, Laugh like there is no tomorrow. Love like you were dying.