The Devil and God are raging inside of Me

Lately I have been at a loss of words. I have been trying so hard to get my feelings or opinions across but they never fully get fully across. On a random note I picked the titled of this blog because Lately I have been listening to In rainbows and this song was the one that popped out at me. It struck a chord and now I just love it to death, this song along with Nude and Faust Arp. I love it. But I think music although it helps me to come to terms and understand what I am feeling it doesn't help me let other people understand my feelings. Because people interpret things different, I can't tell a person to go listen to this song to get the gist of what I am feeling. Usually me not being able to get my emotions across wouldn't bother me too much. But I am in a play where I have to emotionally break down, and I don't know how to do it and make it genuine. I ask people for advice and while talking to them I keep coming to the same realization, but there is a wall and I can't break it down. I know the pain she feels, and I know how that pain can change you as a person, because I have felt it before. But I don't know how to channel it out of myself and into her. I don't know how to make it exaggerated but not overdone or fake. And that fear is preventing me from giving all of myself to the character. And to make things worse my character has to go from a loving mother to a cold broken woman, to an irrational woman with a rational wish, back to a completely shattered woman. How do I accomplish that? I can feel the pain in my heart every time I think about it, but I can't get it out. It's too ugly. Maybe once I get over that aspect I could knock the ball out of the park. But Until then Love like you were dying. And never once regret the pain you have felt. It happened for a reason. Learn from the hurt and live life again. It's possible I know.

I know in these past blogs I have talked a lot about pain and stuff, and I myself am getting tried of it. But you have to understand that I have been holding a lot of this inside and I have decided to let it slowly drip out so I get it in the open.