Part of me has died and it won't return. Part of me has tried but look what it has become.
So I have talked about the world ending,politics,sex,boys,music, and books. I figure I am pretty well rounded. This is like one really drawn out therapy session, so get your notepad out and get ready to analyze. I feel like such a prude. I talk about how I love myself and I am beginning to figure everything out and blahdey blahy. But I think I am fooling myself.Eventually I hope I will be able to say things I mean and not feel the sting when they come back to bite me in the ass. I only know one thing though. I like good people. People whose smile and laugh just make you feel automatically better about the situation. And I hope that I am that type of person for someone else. But it's hard to be that when you feel crappy. I know this will pass. I need to stop wallowing. I tend to do this alot. I think I am ready for college, like mentally kind of. It's hard to explain. I don't have as much life experience that some college students have or the amount of intelligence some have, but I think I am ready to venture out and find a group of friendly smart non pompous people to collaborate in something, whether it be music or a film. Artistically I am ready to leave Jackson. Not that I can't be inspired here, but there's so much out there and I just want to see it before it's all gone.Sorry you guys I showed have warned you this blog might be a little sad. How can I type this thing but I can't type a paper. I am just awed by myself.I hope I don't have to go through this again, one life crisis is good enough thank you. But it's like I can get all the education I want and still not have the answers to everything. So maybe I should just spend my time doing things worth spending time on other than school. Everytime I am there I just feel like there's something better I could be doing. I could be helping people, making something. Anything. I don't feel valuable. And to all those people who are gonna comment you are valuable and I love you. Thank you and I love you too, but I just think I need to get all this crap out so I can truthfully say I am not full of it anymore. Because these past few weeks I have been filled with bull crap. It's about time it decided to come out.
Onto different subjects other than me self. Heath Ledger has died. Not that you needed me to tell you that, but it's so unreal. I mean Kurt Cobain's death was sudden but you saw it coming because of the life he led.(you can talk all you want about how much of a bitch Courtney was, but in the end the only who could stop him was himself)But Heath Ledger. He was so young and he had a daughter. A baby girl who now has to deal with this the rest of her life. I don't know what was the cause of death. But I really hope that he's in a better place.And I hope he's happy.But where ever he is he needs to watch over the people he left because they are gonna need the guidance.
Also I really like it when male singers scream. Something sexy about that. There's two singers as of now that I really like hearing scream and they are. Glen Hansard and Jeff Buckley. Jeff doesn't really scream but man he does something hypnotic with his voice and I melt.The harmony of a male and female voice is just something so gorgeous. If you haven't heard something like that before you need to. It is the most beautiful thing either. Especially when those two people sound like their souls are melting together into this awesome love stew.Greatness. I guess that's why a lot of people like sex, something about that joining of two people it's just so satisfying. But I guess that's it. I really want to take a sabbatical. but I don't think they make those for teenagers. I'll make it. But I think I am gonna need you to help keep moving. And you know who you are. I love you and love each other. You're gonna need it.
Hear the Sirens call me Home
No comments:
Post a Comment